Monday, October 26, 2009

3 funerals or was it 4

I survived!
3 funerals in 3 weeks, the last one was in Manchester in the UK.

When I was heading off a friend of mine told me he had a pall who was visiting him and his pal was going back to Manchester on the same day, so we could share the journey.
What a mistake that was.
Johnnie was on a "bender" and was determined to drink himself silly.
When we got off the boat I revved up to make the trip from Holyhead to Manchester because time was short.
"Hold on a minute I need to get a few cans for the journey, pull into this off-licence"said Johnnie.
I had to go back in to get him out, he was chatting up the girl who worked there.
"She is very nice, you should come back in to meet her".
Johnny I am going to a funeral and time is tight said I.
We had hardly gone 15 miles when he started "I want to go we wees, stop soon or I will wet me nappy" So I stopped and he peed in full view of the oncoming traffic three times this happened. As we approached our off ramp on the motorway he had fallen asleep, so I whipped out the "Sat Nav" and got us back on course.
Johnny woke up and soon we pulled into the town.

"Look I think I will go to the funeral, I like funerals"
No way Johnny, as I turfed him out to get on to the train to Manchester.

The "guest" of honor was late, so I was on time for his funeral.
My cousin died from cancer, without pain he had time to plan his funeral, It went very well, lots of young ladies crying around the hearse.
Its great to see relations you haven't seen for a long time.

Lawlor arranged that a card be placed into the collection of cards at the funeral.
The card from the other side read something like this.

Hello big Sis.
I arrived here on the other side after a short trip. Mum and Dad are here, they look great just like I remember them and we have a lot to talk about.
Thanks for looking after me when I was sick, it must have annoyed you to have to spend the time with me, but we resolved a good few issues and parted as friends.
Look after yourself and behave or I will haunt you.

Your little brother,

I think death is a thing we Irish deal very well with.
A celebration of life and good thoughts about the deceased.
Then a few sad songs.

Lawlor loved 4x4s and used to go to trials with his mates, the undertaker had a 4x4 hearse and his friends from the club gave him a guard of honor.
One thing for sure if you were lost on Snowdonia, or on the moors these beasts of trucks would roar up through anything to help you.

You could see that they will miss him for sure.

On driving and death there is the great joke.
"When I die I would like to go like my father did peacefully in his sleep................................................................................

Not roaring and screaming like his passengers"

Bob Monkhouse.

I went by ferry because my Ryanair transaction would not process, after trying for 2 days I booked the ferry and drove over in my car. No one looked in my bag, I hadn't to take off my shoes and belt or give up my drinking water or aftershave. I didn't have to travel a few miles from the car park, then go through security and then have to walk 2 miles to the gate.
Oh its the sailors life for me in future.
You would be stressed out just thinking about it.

This is the high speed Johnathan Swift.


  1. That was a well done funeral John, My own dad passed away a few weeks ago, he was 78 yrs old, Now I hear of a 34 yr old who hung himself and I think back to one of your blogs with the phone number for the Samartians, poor guy had 4 kids, I feel for the kids, no dad anymore